June 6, 2011
From Childless to Total Joy: Dr. Linda’s Story
Life is about self-discovery. A few days ago, I discovered what it’s like to be the parent of an athlete. The sacrifice and joy of seeing your children excel in a gift you weren’t certain that they had until it manifests right before your astonished eyes.
Checking into a hotel with children is an absolute joy. The excitement of going to a new place. The excitement of sleeping in a new bed (after Mommy checked for bedbugs). They giggled so much and were so excited that I thought I was going to have to give them Valium.
We got up the next day and their coach wanted them at the stadium immediately. They hadn’t eaten breakfast so we gave them a banana and then off we went at 8:15 a.m. in the morning. Parking was crazy but we found a spot. We were not prepared. The sun in Florida is brutal. The UV rays could kill you if you’re caught without protection. I asked their father to please get the umbrellas from his car. I was only in the bleaches 20 minutes and my clothes were soaked and my feet were baked. He returned with huge umbrellas that provided some relief but next time I’ll be prepared. I will buy a tent and make sure it’s “user friendly.” My children WILL have breakfast. I will have a cooler with ice, cold fruit, water, juice and any other amenities that can keep us hydrated and cool.
K+M didn’t run until 1:00 p.m. It was the 1500 meter or 1 mile race. By that time they were hot, hungry and miserable. Mamush placed 5th for his age group and we’re still waiting for the official word about Kayamo because the computer didn’t record his time and they had to review the video . . . . Talk about frustration.
After being fed and hydrated, we waited for the next race . . . the 800 meter or 1/2 mile that occurred some three hours later. The coach admonished Mamush during the one mile race for not having a “killer instinct” to “close the race” at the end. I wish you could have witnessed it; at least 100 kids running in the 800 meter race. Kayamo won first place in his division. And then came the second race. Mamush was leading and then another young man sprinted ahead. His coach advised him to sprint when he reached the 200 meter mark. I was down from the stands as close to the 200 meter mark as possible yelling “Sprint, Mamush!! Sprint!!” His dad and coach were at the other end of the stadium saying the same thing. The runners turned the corner and Mamush picked up speed and flew past the young man. The crowd roared. Oh, what a sight to see. What a sight to see.
When Mamush returned to us, sweating, panting, I asked the coach “Is that enough killer instinct for you, Coach?” He just smiled and said, “Yeah, mommy it is.”
My sons are both now, one step away from getting to the Junior Olympics. We return to Jacksonville in 2 weeks for the State Qualifying race. And if they win, it’s on to New Orleans. It’s almost surreal to go from being childless to having two magnificent sons who represent more than I could ever imagine. I’m going to continue to enjoy the journey I’m having with K+M. And in doing so, I’m falling more and more in love with Life as well.
April 11, 2011
From Mixed-Up Embryos to Joy
Olympic winner and motivational speaker, Jim Stovall once said “Integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is looking.” In September 2009, I wrote about a blog about Carolyn Savage, a 40 year old woman with a poor obstetrical history. Savage married her college sweetheart and had an uncomplicated first pregnancy. However, her second child was born prematurely. She had 4 subsequent miscarriages and ten years later she became pregnant through in-vitro fertilization (IVF). Because the Savages wanted a large family, they tried IVF again. Unfortunately, Savage was impregnated with the wrong embryo. To their credit, everyone rose to the highest level of integrity. The infertility clinic informed the Savage family as soon as the mistake was discovered and then gave them the option of terminating the pregnancy or continuing it. The Savage family then had to inform the rightful parents of the embryo that were not expecting to have a baby any time soon but was now faced with that dilemma. Savage ultimately delivered the baby and then handed it over to its rightful parent, the Morrell family.
When bad things happen to good people, we are perplexed and often wonder why. I remember feeling despondent as I wrote the blog. A woman had delivered a healthy baby but was leaving the hospital with empty arms. A blatant systems error had reared its ugly again reminding physicians that we are all fallible, despite our years of strenuous training and hard-earned credentials. Yet, the book of wisdom reminds us that everything works for our highest good despite the tragedies that are seen through the lens of our human experience.
Fast-forward 2 years later: the Savages hired a surrogate mother (aka gestational carrier) who was pregnant with their baby but subsequently had a miscarriage. However the Savages didn’t give up and they are now pregnant again, through their gestational carrier with . . . . twins. When Carolyn Savage leaves the labor and delivery suite this time, her arms will be filled with not just one baby, but two. Who says life can’t have a happy ending? We wish the Savage family the very best as they prepare for their joyous occasion.
August 2, 2010
Nightmare Finally Ends for a New Blind Mother
Since when is it a crime to be blind? Shame on the State of Missouri. The abduction of Erika Johnson’s newborn by the Missouri state authorities for 57 days is a precautionary take for all disabled mothers.
Johnson and her partner, Blake Sinnett are the proud parents of Baby Mikaela who was born at Centerpoint Hospital in Missouri. Like most new mothers, Johnson’s first attempt to breastfeed Mikaela was clumsy. She felt something was wrong in her technique and switched breasts but not before the nurse on duty deemed Johnson to be an incompetent mother and alerted the State’s authorities. Before Johnson had a chance to bond with Mikaela, she was whisked away by the authorities and a protracted custody battle ensued.
Johnson’s battle reminds me of the ongoing struggle of Abbie Dorn, a disabled mom who is fighting for visitation rights to see her triplet sons and my own family member, who suffered from schizophrenia. She never had the opportunity to bond with her infant daughter who was placed in a foster home never to be seen for the next seventeen years at which it was too late to forge a healthy relationship. Attachment disorders are real. My relative’s daughter felt abandoned, her mother felt betrayed by a system that was allegedly supposed to help her.
I know that Johnson is capable of caring for her daughter. I’ve witnessed blind couples caring for sighted children while living in New York on numerous occasions. What is wrong with us as a society when we are quick to judge and slow to help?
Although Johnson and Sinnett have regained custody of their daughter, the battle is far from over. They will be subjected to strict scrutiny by social service agencies for the next 18 years of Mikaela’s life.
I strongly recommend that all disabled pregnant women become well-versed with the Americans with Disabilities Act and its association prior to giving birth. Having a disability is not a crime. Being discriminated against because of one is.
